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    The Asgardian After-Party

    | OR, USA | Geeks Rule, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I am helping a mother and her 10-year-old son find a LEGO mini-figure of Thor from The Avengers.)

    Me: “Ah, here he is. Oops, he doesn’t have his hammer.” *I locate one that does

    have the hammer* “Here we go.”

    (At this point, I am attempting to say ‘Thor’s Hammer.’ My mouth twists the words in the worst possible way.)

    Me: “You do want ‘Whore’s Thammer?’ …Er, uh, I mean—”

    Mom: *laughing* “Oh, no, dear, that’s a DIFFERENT type of mini-figure!”

    (I was so relieved the mom had such a good sense of humor! They were awesome customers and have since become regulars. No one talks about the ‘whore’s thammer’ incident, though.)

    Bring Your Dead Father To Work Day

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Family & Kids

    (A coworker comes into the office with his hands behind his back.)

    Coworker: “I’d like you to meet someone.”

    (There’s nobody else in the building. My coworker then produces a jar containing a white powdery substance.)

    Coworker: “This is my father.”

    (It was part of the ashes from his father’s cremation. My coworker then proceeds to shake the jar back and forth.)

    Coworker: “Listen, you can hear the bones rattling against the glass.”

    Losing Confidence Confidentially

    | UK | Employees, Family & Kids

    (My mother- and father-in-law, both retired, have a bad experience trying to open a joint account at a local branch of a particular bank. They spend two hours answering really personal questions about their finances which don’t seem to have any relevance: e.g. how much do you spend on food each month? The account isn’t even for a loan.)

    Caller: “Hello, could I please speak to Mrs. [In-Law] regarding her recent experience with [Bank]?”

    Father-In-Law: “She’s not at home right now. Would you like to speak to me about my experience as I was with my wife when we opened our joint account?”

    Caller: “No, I’m sorry. I have to speak directly with Mrs. [In-Law] regarding her account.”

    Father-In-Law: “Well, I’m afraid she’s not at home at the moment, so you can speak to me about the account as it is a joint account and I was there with her.”

    Caller: “I’m afraid I can’t discuss that information with you as it’s confidential. When will Mrs. [In-Law] be home?”

    Father-In-Law: “I’m afraid I can’t discuss that information with you as it’s confidential.” *click*

    Only As Good As Your Last Mistake

    | NJ, USA | Bosses & Owners

    (My boss is actually a very nice guy who gets along well with everyone in the company. However, he seems to have an issue with the concept of ‘simple mistake’ not being in his vocabulary. Case in point.)

    Boss: “Hey, we have this product showing as “still open” in our system, but the vendor site shows it as shipped to us.”

    Me: “Well, I normally process those ones but, when did it show up?”

    (We look up the shipment date, and sure enough it’s one my coworker processed; one of a dozen in a row, and that was the only discrepancy because he processed lines 1 and 2, instead of 2 and 3.)

    Boss: “Well, we really need to make sure that everything is received in correctly the first time.”

    Me: “I know. It looks like he just marked the wrong line on this.”

    Boss: “I know. Just, make sure he’s up to speed on the proper procedures of how to do this.”

    (He then proceeds to list of the entire product-receiving procedure, that I’ve been doing for 11 years now, with my nodding my head and adding ‘I know’ or ‘Mhm’ along the way.)

    Me: “Well, like I said I think he knows the procedure. He got all the other ones right. This was just a slip because the products are almost identical, just the one part of the ID# was different.”

    Boss: “Yeah, we just have to make sure.”

    (Thinking this is the end of it I go to sit at my desk and keep doing my work… At which point my boss goes over to [Coworker] and repeats the entire spiel to him! About five minutes later he’s finally done, and I turn around.)

    Coworker: “Um, am I in trouble for mixing up one thing a month and a half ago?”

    Me: “No, [Boss] just seems to think 1 mistake out of 500 means you need a complete retraining…”

    Company Cut-Backs

    Due to company cutbacks please only photocopy one buttock.

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