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    Has No Website Foresight

    | FL, USA | Employees, Lazy/Unhelpful, Technology

    (I am looking for a particular gift for my nephew, and when I Google it on my phone, I’m happy to see it on the website of a department store only a few miles from my house – and the website says my local store has it in stock! I drive to the store and, at the customer-service counter, show my phone to the clerk and ask her where I can find it.)

    Clerk: “We don’t have those.”

    Me: “Are you sure?”

    Clerk: *condescending tone* “Yes. Have you tried looking on our website? On the Internet?”

    (She handed me back my phone, which was still displaying the item. On their website. On the Internet. I found the item in their little toy section. They had four. I resisted the urge to take it back and wave it under her nose.)

    Super Crabby

    Boss is Crabby - So Punny Twitter

    Oh Jews

    | Greensboro, NC, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Religion

    (I wait tables at a local place known specifically for its ribs. Sauce on the side was a common request. A coworker runs into the back frustrated.)

    Coworker: “I don’t f****** understand this guy. I’ve brought him six cups of sauce on the side and he’s mad. He wants a manager.”

    (The manager isn’t back there so I go out to try and smooth things over.)

    Me: “Sir, I understand there is an issue. Hopefully I can take care of it for you.”

    Customer: “This better not be a joke. I’ve asked repeatedly for au jus and my server keeps bringing me cups of bbq sauce.”

    (I grab the au jus from the line and the customer is satisfied. I hunt down my coworker.)

    Me: “What just happened? He asked for au jus and you brought him a cup of bbq each time.”

    Coworker: “Au jus? What’s that? I thought he was asking for ‘Jew sauce.'”

    Me: *right eye starts twitching*

    They Don’t Need To Come With Dips

    | IN, USA | Employees, Rude & Risque

    (Friend #1 works at a well known supermarket as a cart pusher. He is a hard worker, but he lacks any sense of professionalism. Friend #2 has stopped by and this transpired.)

    Friend #1: “Hey, ask me if we have Doritos flavored condoms.”

    (Friend #2 adopts a theatrical pose.)

    Friend #2: “Sir! Do you have Doritos flavored condoms?”

    (Friend #1 grabs his store radio and calls over it.)

    Friend #1: *over the radio* “Management, a customer wishes to know if we have Doritos flavored condoms.”

    (Several seconds of silence pass by on an otherwise busy line.)

    Friend #1: *over radio* “Do you copy?”

    Supervisor: “No, we do not have… THAT, and do not say that over the walkie!”

    Won’t Land Him A Job

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Ignoring/Inattentive, Job Seekers

    (I answer the phones for an oilfield service company in an area that has seen a boom in a particular area. There have been many news stories about how many workers are needed, for companies, for this particularly fruitful land formation.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [Oilfield Company]. How can I help you?”

    Guy: “Are you hiring?”

    Me: “Well, this location is not hiring but other locations may be. You need to go online to [Website] and click on careers.”

    Guy: “Is this how you get a job at [land formation]?”

    Me: “Well, our company does have people at that location, but this branch does not. You really will need to go online to [Website] to see which branches are hiring.”

    Guy: “What is [land formation] hiring for?”

    Me: “[Land formation] is not a company, sir. It’s a physical location where companies put their rigs. You have reached [Oilfield Company Branch] and so I really can’t speak for the other [Oilfield Company]’s branches or the other companies doing work out there.”

    Guy: “The paper told me that [land formation] has a lot of jobs and I need to know where to apply.”

    Me: “Well, our company does have a presence at the [land formation] so you can go to our website.”

    Guy: “But you’re not [land formation], right?”

    Me: “Right. We’re an oilfield company, not a land mass.”

    Guy: “But the paper said that [land formation] was hiring. Can you tell me where to call?”

    Me: “There is no particular place to call. Many companies have wells at that location.”

    Guy: *getting frustrated* “I can’t understand why you won’t give me the number for [land formation]. I need a job. I’ve been out of work a while and I don’t understand why everyone is so unhelpful.”

    Me: “[Land formation] doesn’t have a number, sir. It’s a physical place, like a mountain or a lake, not a corporation. You cannot get a job with [land formation]. It doesn’t have management. You need to apply to companies in order to work there.”

    Guy: “Well, I’m going to get a job with [land formation]. If you’re not going to help me I will find someone who will!” *hangs up*


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